Just Desserts
by Smoldering Flame
Summary: Ed decides to give Roy a taste of his own medicine regarding the fairer sex. Genderswitch
1. Justification of the Highest Order

**"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun." Woody Allen**

Monday mornings were hard for everybody in the metropolis of Central, which of course didn't count out the soldiers of there military. Riza Hawkeye walked down the corridors of the base to the office she had occupied for the last five years. She opened the door and was greeted with the faces of her colleges, well almost all of them. One in particular seemed to be missing from the usual group.

"Where is Col. Mustang?" She looked around at the other men in the office. "He's an hour late, this is unacceptable, does anyone know where he is?"

Havoc's head popped up with a sour look on his face. The cigarette he was smoking was almost gone meaning he must have lit up quite early that Monday morning, when he finally decided to speak up. "The chief had a date last night, a very hot date might I add." He said as his cigarette still dangled from his lips as he breathed out a cloud of smoke. "God, wish I could have a date every night." A smile crept onto his face. "Like the one he had on his arm last night, big rack and all."

Riza glared at him and reached for her gun holster to shoot Havoc's cancer stick right out of his mouth. "Lt. Havoc you better take out that cigarette or your going to end up with a hole in your throat." She said as she took the gun out and aimed for his throat. Havoc, seeing it as more than a threat put out the half smoked cigarette on the sole of his shoe. "And please don't refer to women like that, there's more to us then our chest."

"That's not what the colonel says." Breda laughed out as the rest of the group joined in. "He's gonna be a dead men when he walks in the door, my guess is Riza will go straight for the family jewels."

With that statement from Breda the office door swung open to revel, in all his glory, Roy Mustang. He swaggered in with a look on his face that said 'I got laid, don't you wish you did too'. He looked up at his command and then looked up to the clock, which happened to read 8:00. "Good morning all, sorry I'm a little late I had some before work errands to do."

"Yeah what was her name chief?" Havoc said as he put his feet up on the chair.

Roy looked at him with a frown spreading across his face. "Lt. Havoc that is not what I did and my personal life is none of you business." Roy walked passed his subordinates into his office with Riza right on his heels.

The door closed and the colonel took his place at his desk. "Sir I'm going to be quite frank," Riza started, "You can't be late because you were escorting some floozy home after you screwed her all night. Last I checked you were our boss not some hormone driven teenager, you should be here on time."

Roy was shocked at his lieutenant's language, she was usually such a proper woman and for this to come out of her mouth was bad news for him. It was time to turn on the Mustang charm. "Your right Hawkeye and I am sorry I'm making a bad example for the rest of the group. I do hope you accept my sincerest apology for my actions." He smiled at her and her motioned for her to come closer. "So, now that that mess is all taken care of why don't you go get me a coffee, I'm exhausted." He yawned and stretched out his arms. "Melinda just couldn't get enough last night." He murmured under his lips.

"Sir I'm not your maid, why don't you get it yourself." She saw a smile cross his face when she mentioned maid and smacked her forehead. "Please don't be such a pervert sir, I have work to do and so do you."

He smiled and looked up from his paper work at her. "You know I would be so much more willing if you would put on that mini skirt I gave you" He winked at her suggestively.

Riza had about enough at this point and looked at him with fire in her eyes. "Sir, do your work. I thought they referred to us as dogs of the military not pigs." She left the office and slammed the door behind her.

"She must be PMSing" Roy said as he looked over the paper work for the week.

* * *

It was a few hours later since Riza had had her argument with Roy. She was still silently fuming at her desk. How could the colonel say those things to her, and make those claims about women in general? He didn't know what it was like to be a woman in such a male dominated career, it was hard enough, he didn't have to make it worse.

The clock struck noon in the office and all of the command started piling out to make way to the cafeteria for lunch. Riza was about to leave when she spotted Edward Elric stomping down the halls in a hurry towards the office.

"Hello Edward do you have a report for colonel Mustang."

He frowned a pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. "Yeah I got colonel prick's report right here, you know what Al and I found out…nothing. Nothing at all except that bastard sent us to some town where half of its population were inbred hicks who stole my arm and tried to sell it!" He thrusted his automail into the air unmercifully make several stabbing notions with the prosthetics arm. "When he gets back from lunch 10 pounds of steel is going into his shit eating grin!"

"I almost want to let you do that Edward." Riza sighed and looked at the blonde alchemist.

He looked at her with concern; she looked upset, the bastard had upset his most loyal subordinate. "What's wrong Hawkeye?"

"Ed, he just made some comments to me that were somewhat sexist and have been upsetting me all day, don't worry I'll get over it. I'm sure he didn't mean it" She bid him goodbye and made her way towards the cafeteria.

Edward frowned, Mustang always had to prove he was a man even if it meant hurting his friends in the process. Ed walked down the hall when a light went off in his head; an evil smirk crossed his face slowly. "Maybe it's time Mustang got a taste of his own medicine." He laughed and started to formulate his evil plan for revenge.

* * *

It was pitch black in Central as Ed snuck into Roy's house. He walked around all the furniture and other objects as he came to his bosses' bedroom. He quietly dumped a bag of chalk and a book onto the floor as Roy kept sleeping unaware of the uninvited visitor. Ed began to draw an array around the bed as Roy continued to snore; he finished up and looked at his handy work. He couldn't wait for the morning to come were his last thoughts as he snuck back out off the house.

**A/N: Okay hope you like it; good reviews will encourage me to continue this story.**


	2. Madame Roy

**A/N: Thank you to all the reviewers so far I hope you continue to read the story and enjoy it. Though I must put out a warning this won't be a royai story, I really like to use Riza as Roy's best friend, especially in this case I've put him in.**

"Down on Cyprus Avenue

With a childlike vision leaping into view

Clicking, clacking of the high heeled shoe

Ford & Fitzroy, Madame George

Marching with the soldier boy behind…" Madame George by Van Morrison

* * *

The sun was rising over the city of Central; its bright rays gleamed through closed curtains and blinds to wake up the residents of the metropolis. That didn't leave out Roy Mustang, who pulled the covers over his face to keep the light from reaching his sleepy eyes. He flipped onto his chest when a pain seemed to jolt through his body. Annoyed, he threw the blankets off and just decided to give in, he had work soon anyways, and if he was late again he might just wind up in a morgue instead of the head of the nation. He rubbed his eyes, stretched, and motioned to step down from bed. He made his way to the bathroom and was in for quite the shock.

He gazed in the mirror, like he did every morning, but this time the same face wasn't staring back. This face was rounder, eyes wider, and lips fuller, not to mention the two large lumps that appeared on his chest. Roy took his hands and ran them down his body, instead of finding a straight figure, curves were now in place and his muscles were no longer so defined.

A woman's scream was heard throughout the neighborhood. Roy's next-door neighbors couldn't even help but wake up startled by the shriek. "Geez, we know the guy's got a good sex life, but can he at least tell his girlfriends to keep it down." One of the neighbors said as he rolled back in bed and put a pillow over his face.

"What's going on, what happened to me?" Roy screamed out looking in the mirror as a softer, higher pitched voice came out from his mouth. He quickly covered it with his now dainty hands and shook his head furiously. "I can't go into work looking like this!" **She** paced around the bathroom trying to come up with some kind of solution. "I know I'll just call in sick, maybe I can call in female. No, Mustang that's stupid just say you have laryngitis, that way I don't even have to speak." She rushed over to the phone and dialed the number for work, when Riza's voice answered on the other line.

"Hello this is Col. Roy Mustang's office how can I help you?

Roy cleared his throat and prepared for the act of a lifetime to his lieutenant. "Yes, hello Hawkeye this is Roy I've seem to have come down with a case of laryngitis and can't come into work today." He whispered out, throwing in a few fake cough's to make it sound even more authentic. If their was one thing Roy could do it was lie, and quite effectively if that.

"Okay sir I hope you feel well soon." She said and the phone connection died. Roy felt relieved; she had dodged a major bullet, literally, from his lieutenant. She whipped the sweat from her brow and pulled out a number of alchemy books hoping to find an explanation, or better yet a cure for her current condition.

* * *

Meanwhile at the base Riza Hawkeye was grabbing her coat and making her way to Roy's house. She knew the man wasn't really sick, she had heard better acting on a daytime soap opera. This time she was going to catch him in the act of faking ill and give him a good scolding, or pistol-whipping which ever seemed better.

"Where are you going?" Havoc said as he got up from his chair.

"I'm going to see Roy he says he has fallen ill and I want to see if theirs anything I can do to ease the pain."

Havoc snorted out a laugh at the woman's statement. "How are you going to ease the pain when you're going to cause it. You think the chief's faking it huh."

"Well taking into consideration his behavior and track record of lies I would count it as a high probability lieutenant. Oh, in my absent Warrant Officer Falman will be in charge."

Havoc's cigarette fell out of his mouth. "What, Falman? I have the second highest rank here I should be in charge, or at least Breda."

Riza gave him a blank stare. "Yes, this is true but I don't trust either of you in this situation. So if you both stopped acting like children maybe you'll be treated with the respect your rank demands."

"Hey, what can I say the colonel's had a bad influence on me." Havoc said as Breda just nodded his head in agreement. The woman sighed and took her leave, one day she would meet respectable colleges.

* * *

The drive to Roy's house was somewhat satisfying to her, finally to catch him red handed. Every time she would lecture him on his behavior he would always insist on proof that he had done the deed in question. This time the cards were all in her favor, Mustang was finally going to get what he deserved for his lax behavior. She pulled the car up to his house and slammed the door behind her.

"There had to be something, anything on what's happened to me!" Roy said as she skimmed through several books. That's when she heard her doorbell chime, and she panicked. "I can't answer the door, maybe they'll just go away." But, the doorbell just continued to hum throughout the house, insisting its owner answer the door. Roy breathing became somewhat heavy waiting for who ever it was to leave, then the door knob started twisting open, she forgot to lock the door. In her panic state she ran upstairs while the front door slammed shut.

"Where is he?" Riza said as she looked around the first floor of the house. There was evidence he had been down there; books were strung across the floor an open beer can sat half full next to the sofa. She decided to wander up stairs, trying a few doors until she got to his bedroom. She had hit the jackpot, completely covered by his bed sheets Roy Mustang literally sat there hiding from her, like a child. She tip toed over to the bed and yanked the sheets off her commanding officer, but the sight wasn't what she was expecting. Under the sheets laid a woman, with short black hair and an obvious Xingesse background. She looked strangely like Roy, almost too much. Riza's mouth hung open when she realized exactly who this mystery woman was.

"…Roy"

"Riza, uhh, well I told you I wasn't feeling well and…" Roy's eyes started to well up. "I…I don't know what happened I was sleeping and I just woke up like this! What…am I going to do? I'm going to be the laughing stock of the military!" Roy sat up and put her hands to her face, covering her eyes. Riza finally got a good look at Roy; she was pretty, in fact quite beautiful. Things were going to be quite awkward when Roy came back to work; things were tough for women in the military to start with. She was going to need help; she picked up Roy's phone and began to dial his number.

**A/N: Okay good reviews inspire me so do your duty! And yes I'm evil, find out who "he" is in the next chapter.**


	3. Chanel No 5

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous." Coco Chanel

_Last time on Just Desserts: Riza discovered a very female Roy and placed a phone call to someone who has known Roy the longest._

* * *

Somewhere in Central a phone rang, and somewhere it was picked up.

"Hello,"

Riza let out a sigh of relief to hear the voice on the other end. "Lt. Col. Hughes this is Lt. Hawkeye, I need you to come to Col. Mustang's residence right away."

Their was a slight pause on the other end. "Is he okay!"

"Just, come down here." She hung up the phone and turned her attention back to the now female Roy. "It's going to be okay Roy." Riza said, even though she really didn't mean it. She couldn't imagine how Roy felt, the ladies man was now a lady.

Roy looked up at her, eyes red from crying. "How can you say that! I've got a fucking vagina!" The brunette clenched her hands as she glared at the blonde woman. "I'm a freak! And now you invite Hughes to come gawk at my disfigurement!" The flame shoved a pillow on her face to scream into it.

Riza watched this childish display and felt herself grow angry. Yes, the sudden transformation was a shock, but Roy acted like being a woman was the same as being in a carnival sideshow. She made her way towards the other woman and plucked the pillow away from her. "Roy," When she got the other's attention she raised a hand a slapped it hard on the other's cheek. Roy looked stunned as she brought a hand up to rub her now red cheek.

"What the hell was that for!"

"You were hysterical. Plus, being a woman is not the same as having three arms. You're not a freak, your a woman, now start acting like it..." She was about to say more when the doorbell rang. Roy let out a squeak when she heard the noise.

"I can't let him see me like this"

"Don't worry I'll tell him you're not ready for your date yet." The blonde let out a rare sarcastic remark as she went to go answer the front door. She swore she heard Roy yell out some vulgarity when she left the bedroom. She went down stairs and answered the door, reviling a frantic four eyed colonel.

"Riza! Where is Roy, does he need to go to the hospital!" Hughes pushed Riza aside and ran into his friend's home. "Where is he?"

"He's in his room, but Hughes, he looks a little different." The other didn't seem to be listening as he made his way to Roy's bedroom.

"Roy, it's Hughes." He saw a figure move in the dark. He groped the wall for the light switch and turned the lights on. "Roy, is that you?" In front of him was a beautiful woman, with the same exact features his friend donned. The woman nodded and Hughes cautiously stepped closer.

"Maes, I'm a freak." The flame stated bluntly to his friend.

"Roy, if it makes you feel better, you make a beautiful woman." Roy swore he saw his friend turn a light shade of red as he muttered out the compliment.

"Hughes, that was kinda freaky." Roy said this but felt his cheeks warming to the kind words.

A slight cough was heard in the background and the pair looked towards the noise. "Well now that you're here we can get going."

"Going where?" The two said in unison.

"We are taking Roy shopping for the proper feminine items" Riza said, "Hughes, you're here for moral support, you're his best friend. You're also here for muscle, if Roy tries to run away you need to bring him back."

* * *

The three entered a department store in the local mall. Riza went around picking up bra's and underwear for her boss to try on. The other two just sat their, Hughes looking uncomfortable and Roy looking angry. "Here Roy, go try these on, you look to me like your a C cup." She threw the lacy undergarments at the brunette and shoved her into a dressing room. After a few minutes Roy still hadn't emerged from the covered area. "Roy, is everything okay?"

"I..." The muffled voice said. "I can't hook it, I only know how to un-hook bra's!"

Riza sighed a slapped a hand to her forehead. "Don't worry Roy I'll talk you through it." After a few minutes Roy re-appeared, with one of the two bras in hand. It was obvious she had put one on, as it added some shape to the male clothes she was wearing.

The trio had picked out several shirts, pants, and even a skirt or two when they neared the dress section. "Roy, you need a dress for formal occasions."

"What! No way am I wearing a dress!"

Hughes chimed in, "Roy, for women it's military protacal for formal affairs."

Roy glared at him and snatched the dresses away from Riza's hands. Once again she went into the dressing room. She tried on a sleeveless black dress, one that she liked on women when she was on a date. She peered in the mirror and let out a tiny smile, she did make a good looking woman. She stepped out of the room and looked at his two companions. Riza was smiling and Hughes was...well he was practically drooling on his shirt. She saw their reactions and decided that this dress was a keeper.

After shoe shopping and the entertaining event of Roy walking on high heels. To the makeup counter with Hughes having to practically restraining Roy in the chair as the woman taught her how to apply makeup. Ending with picking up some accessories and hair supply the torture for Roy was finally over. Riza and Hughes passed by the perfume counter but Roy stopped in her tracks. She smelled something wonderful, something called Chanel No. 5. The woman at the counter noticed Roy smelling the product and interfered. "Miss, I couldn't help notice you enjoying this fragrance. I think it would smell wonderful on you." She spritzed some on Roy's wrist. Roy brought his wrist up to his nose and sniffed, discovering the saleswoman was right.

"I'd like to buy some." Roy said as she pulled out her wallet a glanced at Hughes and Riza making their way to the exit. The saleswoman smiled as she noticed Roy's casual glance.

"I'm sure your man would love it on you."

"Man?" He whispered as the woman ran up his purchase. He looked over at Hughes a noticed how good his ass looked in the jeans he was wearing. Roy shook his head, how could he think that about his best friend, his best male friend. The woman handed Roy her bag and she ran to catch up with the other two. Her eyes still glancing at Hughes ass as she exited the store behind her two friends.

* * *

A/N: Yes, the start of some kind of relationship. Sorry if you're not particularly fond of it. But give me some credit, lastly please read and review.


	4. A Woman's Intuition

"I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing." Mae West

"Regular dialogue and subtext" _"Inner monologue"_

Warnings: Sexual innuendo, language, attempted lime, and a little bit of angst.

* * *

The shopping trip came to an end as Riza pulled the military issued car to a stop at Roy's house. Roy stepped out with bags in hand. She had been quiet most of the ride back and made no noise as she stepped out of the car. Noticing the change in behavior, Hughes and Riza exchanged brief glances.

"Roy, are you going to be okay here tonight?" Hughes said as he grabbed some of Roy's bags.

Roy didn't even bother to turn around as she heard her friend voice his concerns. "Maes, I'm not a child, get back to your family." She unlocked the door and turned her head to face her friends. "Thanks for taking me shopping, good night." A smile graced her lips but didn't seem to reach her eyes as she shut the door.

"Roy's going through a tough change Hughes, don't take it personally." Riza said as she noticed a frown on Hughes face after Roy closed the door.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Hughes lingered by the front door for a second and then followed the blonde gun wielder.

Roy felt her body slide down the oak door, she slumped and put her hands over her face. For the love of Isbahl, what was happening to her? Buying perfume, trying on a dress and actually liking it, perhaps even having feelings for her best male friend. _"Hughes, he's always been there for me. After Ishbal, even stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life ." _She put her hands down and went into the kitchen, reaching for a bottle of red wine. She was not going to get drunk, she just need a little drink to calm the nerves. In her defense she did have a sex change without consent. She swirled the alcohol in the glass, gazing through and finding a world of red. It's funny how with a new perspective things she had known for so long could look so different. _"Like Maes," _It seemed that's all she could think about. Would Maes like the dress on her? What would he say about her drinking...what looked to be about a half a bottle of wine by now? He always did chastise her for her drinking.

She needed to put the bottle away, it was empty. Roy laid sprawled out on her couch watching old reruns of a sitcom she had watched as a kid. The male character on the show seemed to be yelling at the female to do his laundry, he clearly wasn't doing anything productive. _"If a man ever yelled at me like that no one would have to go to the desert to see Burning Man." _Woah, did she just think that? Hell when she was a man she always figured the woman would do the house work. But, now in a pair of high-heeled shoes, would she want be treated like that? _"This vagina is screwing with my head. It must be the estrogen or I'm really drunk...probably a bad mix." _Would Maes treat her like that? _"Why does every thought go to him! Who cares how Hughes would treat me! Who cares if he would be gentle with me! Who cares if he would love me! Who cares how his stubble would feel on my cheek. Who fucking cares!" _She felt a few uncharacteristic tears trickle down her cheek. _"Maybe I care..." _"Fuck!" She was drunk, maybe that's why she was picking up the phone and dialing his number. Perhaps that's why she didn't hang-up when he answered.

"Hello,"

"Maes?" She was hoping he would recognize her voice.

"Roy, is that you_?"_

_"_Please come over here." Her voice sounded cracked as she heard Gracia shouting from the kitchen.

"Honey it's Roy he needs my help with something. I'll be over in a minute Roy." He hung up the phone.

* * *

Hughes arrived to find his friend's door unlocked. "Roy, are youin here?" He turned a corner to find Roy standing in her underwear. He immediately felt his face grow red as she moved forward. He looked at her, she seemed to be staggering and her eyes were half lidded. Not to mention she reeked of booze as she pressed herself up against him. "R-Roy, what are you doing?

"Maes, I need you." She mewled as she clung onto him.

"Dammit Roy you're drunk! What the hell did I tell you about drinking your problems away!" He pushed her off of him and watched her fall to the ground.

"Please Maes!"

He sighed a rubbed his temples. "Roy, I'm a married man."

"I know that I was at your wedding. This wouldn't be that hard if you would just treat me like shit like everyone else! If you could be more like the countless women I've been with, just leave me after comfort!"

"Roy," He paused and took of his glasses. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your drunk, extremely, I can smell it on you"

Roy stood up a walked over to him. She pressed her breasts up against him and nuzzled the crook of his neck. "You said you would help me to the top...now get on top of me."

"No!"

"Maes I've noticed the looks..."

"Roy, you're beautiful and you're making it hard to contain myself. Last I checked both of us were straight." He paused and held unto her shoulders. "You've always made me question myself, including my sexuality. But, I have a child and a wife I love very much. I'm a just a man Roy, a weak one if that."

"Maes you're not weak in fact you're strong mentally and physically." She purred as she twisted his stray piece of hair around her finger. "When I was a man I always had to make my lovers feel safe, now it's my turn, make me feel safe." Now it seemed he had her pushed up against a wall in a fit of emotion. Roy felt warm lips pressed up against hers, she felt the stubble rub on her cheek.

"I'm a weak man, please don't remember this." He whispered into her ear as he began to suck on her neck. Little moans escaped from her lips as he moved to kiss her lips. "You." A kiss to the neck. "Are." A kiss to the cheek. "Evil." He leaned in to her and snapped her bra strap, making his way down to the now uncovered spot. That is he was until he felt the body in his arms go limp, she had passed out from the booze.

* * *

A/N: A little lime which we will see the result of in the next chapter The Man Behind the Woman.


	5. The Man Behind the Woman

"Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from." Mae West

Warnings: Consequences of the last chapter. Drunkness

* * *

He held her warm body in his arms. Her bra was still missing and her breasts were still pressed up against him. He was worried about her, was she okay? He was so enamored with his inebriated friend he didn't notice the door open.

"Lt. Colonel!" The door slammed and Riza Hawkeye stood their with her mouth gapping open. "Y-you're taking advantage of...Roy!" She had to choke out the last word, she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Hughes' eyes went wide and he dropped Roy to the ground. "It's not what it looks like!" He raised his hands in self defense with Roy's bra still in hand. He watched as Riza reached for her pistol in her jacket pocket. "Seriously Riza! She was drunk and... and...well...uh..." He knew he wasn't helping his case. Roy was starting to stir at his feet.

"Mmm...Maes?" She slowly opened her eyes and started to stand up, she was swaying in her drunken state. "Hey sexy." Roy said as she put a hand on Hughes' chest. He slapped a hand to his forehead and started to turn red. Roy started to giggle and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Take off your shirt big boy!" Was the slurred words that came out of her mouth as she turned to look at Riza. "He's mine!" She glared at her as she squeezed Hughes harder.

"Ha, Roy why don't you put your bra back on and..."

"Tell blondie to fuck off and I'll show you a good time." Roy purred out, until she put a hand over her mouth and sprinted for the bathroom.

* * *

"What is going on Hughes?" Riza asked, as they both heard gagging noises coming from the bathroom.

Hughes sighed and started to clean his glasses. "She was drunk and she was all over me. Damnit Riza, I'm just a man, and Roy and I have always had a strange relationship."

"What are you saying Hughes you're a married man."

"I know, but Roy, she needs me right now." His slowly seemed to gaze away from her. "Roy's beautiful man or woman. I remember at my wedding, him standing next to me in his tux, physically he looked great but emotionally he looked sad. Those eyes looked devastated but he still smiled. These feeling aren't new Riza, for both of us."

Riza looked at him. Who would have guessed? She knew they were best friends but harboring secret feeling about each other? Not in her wildest imagination would she have thought this a possibility. With Roy's womanizing and Hughes' family man dedication, the whole situation displayed for her seemed even more surreal. "What about Gracia and Elysia?"

"Don't remind me Riza I know I'm screwed."

* * *

The next day Roy felt like she was hit in the head with a bowling ball. She hissed as sunlight peaked through her curtains causing her head to ache. She didn't mean to get that drunk last night, not to mention she had practically thrown herself at Hughes. She was so embarrassed, how would she be able to face him again. He probably thought she was just a drunken slut. She slowly climbed out of bed and put on an oversized t-shirt. She slowly descended the staircase, being careful not to trip over her own feet on her way down.

"Good morning Colonel." Riza was in her kitchen dressed in her uniform.

She ran a hand through her hair and groaned. "Riza, what are you doing here?"

Sir, I mean Ma'am, the Führer wants you back at work, I picked up your new uniform. They only had skirts left, sorry."

"This is sickly ironic." She took the skirt from Riza and held it up against her lower half. "I can't go back to work! First off I'm a woman and second I have the worst hangover of my life." How would her command take to seeing her in her current state. Roy didn't think she could take it just yet, or ever.

"I'm sorry but that's orders straight from the brass. Brig. Gen. Armstrong is even scheduled to come down from Brigg's for an inspection today."

"Fuck." She took the skirt and went into the bathroom.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for it being a little short. More to come, next chapter will feature all of Roy's command and Edward Elric!**


	6. Working Girl, Not the Bad Kind

* * *

"Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness." Oprah Winfrey.

Warning: Comedic violence.

A/N: If you don't know who Brig. Gen. Olivier Armstrong is...she's a commanding officer from Briggs which is located in the North. She think's Roy's an idiot and Roy thinks she's a bitch, but worthy of being hit on. She's Armstrong's older sister.

* * *

"So how was your date last night?" Breda said as he and Havoc walked down the hall ready to start the working day.

Havoc pulled out a cigarette and sighed. "Awful as usual." He lit up the tobacco stick and breathed in deeply.

"What happened? The colonel saunter in and steal your girl...again."

"No, this time I drove her away all on my own. It's not a good sign when the first thing she says when she wakes up next to you is, 'My god what have I done! I have to stop drinking!'"

Breda smirked and put a hand on his friends shoulder. "Don't you think you're exaggerating."

Havoc brushed the hand off his shoulder. "Only a little, that's the messed up thing." They reached their office door when something caught his eye. A voluptuous brunette in a skirt military uniform was heading towards them.

Breda turned. "Hmm, she must be new."

Havoc nodded his head in agreement as he started to drool. "Hubba hubba, I didn't know angels were aloud in the military."

"Please don't use that as your pick up line." Breda said.

A grin spread on Havoc's face, as he grabbed Breda's shoulder and shook him. "Don't you see, it's a sign, a good omen! I'm going to introduce myself to her."

"This will be interesting." Breda decided to stall on going into the office.

* * *

Roy and Riza walked down the hall like they had so many times before. Roy kept tugging at her skirt to add length as Riza giggled.

"Ma'am calm down it's going to be okay."

Roy paused from altering her attire and glared at the blonde. "Can't you just call me sir?"

"That would be against protocol. I just thought something, we can't keep referring to you as Roy." She stroked her chin as she thought about the possibilities.

"What's wrong with Roy?"

"It's a man's name...how about...hmm...Roy-ko, Royko?"

The brunette paused in her tracks. "How did you know my real name?" Her eyes grew big and her hands covered her mouth when she realized what she said.

Riza burst out laughing, something quite uncharacteristic, that caused several heads to turn. "Royko, that's your real name? That's a woman's name!" She started to laugh harder. "I mean, what about, Ronald, or Roland, or hell just Roy! What's your middle name Scarlett!"

"Shut up Elizabeth, remember while we're here I am your boss, I control your paycheck!" That got the blonde to promptly stop laughing.

They saw Havoc gunning their way, with what could be called fire in his eyes. Roy just wanted to run the other way and avoid the two toned blond. But, Riza grabbed on to her arm and prohibited her from leaving. After what seemed like hours to Roy, Havoc finally reached the female duo.

Havoc saluted the pair and cleared his throat. "Good morning Lt. Hawkeye, whose your friend?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively and Roy grimaced. "I didn't know they let angels in the military." He said and somewhere he swore he heard 'I can't believe he said that!' in the background."

Roy's face grew red and she turned to Riza for help. "We'll discuss this when we get in the office.

* * *

Falman, Furey, Breda, and Havoc all took their seats and stared at the women in front of them.

Riza cleared her throat and gripped onto her favorite pistol, Old Reliable, as she started to speak. "Your probably wondering who this is next to me. Well...this is Colonel Mustang."

The room went deathly quiet and the men all looked at each other. "I didn't know the colonel had a sister?" Furey squeaked out as he adjusted his glasses.

"He doesn't."

Again, an awkward silence filled the room.

"Roy?" Breda said out loud and saw the brunette's face grow red.

Mustang cleared her throat and took an authoritative stance. "Yes, it's me Colonel Roy Mustang Flame Alchemist. As you may notice I am a woman." She stated this rather bluntly with a straight expression. "Something strange happened and I woke up this way. I'm currently trying to find some way to get back to normal, but, I still need to work. You men said you would follow me through hell, well welcome to it, and you can't take back what you already promised." She moved her hands to her hips and glared at her group.

Breda leaned over to whipser in Havoc's ear. "So, your destiny it to be with a female version of Mustang?" As he looked at his commanding officer from her skirt to her heeled shoes.

Havoc shrugged. "Well at least I won't loose her to Roy, plus Mustang makes a hot woman." Breda moved his chair a few inches away from his friend.

* * *

After the shocking announcement everyone started, or attempted, to focus on their work. Edward Elric decided to make his grand entrance then by throwing the door open. "Where is Col. Bastard, I got a bone to pick with that prick." He didn't even wait for an answer, he just stormed over to Roy's connected office. He proceeded to throw the door open again and dramatically pointed a finger in the colonel's desk vicinity. "Why the hell did you cut my research budget Colonel Bastard." His voice faded when he saw a woman who looked almost exactly like Roy Mustang. "Or should I say Colonel Bitch." He smiled, his array had worked, this was going to be good.

* * *

A/N: Okay happy Easter, here's my gift to you. Next chapter Olivier inspects Roy's unit and Hughes get jealous. I will be u[dating my other stories soon, so stay tuned! Please read and review!


	7. Wonder Woman

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~Maya Angelou~

Warning: Comedic violence

A/N: As you recall last time on Just Desserts, Roy's command found out about Roy's condition. Also Olivier Armstrong is down from Briggs to inspect.

* * *

Today was the day Roy had been dreading for months. Even before she was drastically altered this day lived in infancy, Brig. Gen. Olivier Armstong's visit. Roy and the woman never got along, well that was an understatement, they couldn't stand each other. Sure, Roy had hit on her occasionally when she was male, but now the thought made her gag. She was putting on the new dress uniform, skirt included, much to her chagrin. She fixed her hair so that the bangs were swept back with a clip to look more formal. She picked up the lipstick tube, maybe she would smear a little on her lips. A honk was heard from outside her house; she peeked out her window to see a military issued car waiting. She grabbed her coat and ran to the car to find Havoc at the wheel instead of Riza. He stepped out of the car and opened the door for her, he never did that before.

"Ma'am." He grinned with cigarette still intact.

"Where's Hawkeye?" Roy said as she looked seminally confused.

A puff of smoke blew out from the blond's lips. "She got stuck with picking up General Armstrong." He closed the door and pulled out of the drive way. "You look nice colonel." He wanted to say more but the blush was already creeping up on his cheeks.

Roy cringed and decided to change the subject. "Did you find a uniform for Fullmetal?" A small smile graced her lips. "Or did you have to get one of the novelty baby ones from the gift shop?" Roy Mustang, male or female, never without a quip.

"I got one for him chief, but, I'm not dressing him. Hopefully he'll show up in it rather than the trademark coat.

The car pulled up to Central's military base, and once again Havoc stepped out a opened the door for Roy.

* * *

Two blonde female officers were standing out at the parade ground, setting up the preparations. Olivier Armstrong had an unusual look on her face, that of shock. The younger woman was telling her of a now female Roy Mustang.

"Lieutenant, I never did enjoy fairy tales." Her one visible eyes glared at the other blonde.

"With all do respect ma'am I'm not lying. Colonel Mustang was the victim of a strange alchemic array that's end result was a sex change." She hated telling the general Roy's condition, she knew how the two officers loathed each other. She expected the general to yell at her but, instead she bursted into a fit of laughter.

"This is going to be more fun that I thought it would be. Mustang will never live this down." Olivier continued to laugh while Riza's frown grew.

* * *

Maria, Denny, Armstrong, and Hughes were at the parade ground awaiting the inspection. Hughes was quite proud of his company, they cleaned up rather nice. He smiled, he cleaned up pretty nice himself. He wasn't usually so arrogant, but with his dress uniform and hair slicked back he felt like a million bucks. Then his eyes were no longer directed to himself, Mustang and company just entered the area.

"Wow." Hughes mumbled, Roy looked amazing. She was a vision of authoritative beauty. Her rank seemed to gleam brightly in the morning sun, letting everyone know who she was. After their awkward encounter, he was wary of going to see her with the time before the inspection. He could see her arguing with Ed, probably about the uniform that he was dramatically pulling at. While Roy was yelling at Ed, Hughes couldn't help but glance over to Havoc. His eyes seemed to be wandering in the vicinity of Roy's backside. He felt his eyes narrow and his lips form into a frown...was he jealous, of Roy? "Sonovabitch" Yeah Hughes was defiantly jealous. Before he could make his move to punch that cigarette into Havoc's throat General Armstrong entered the grounds.

The troops were all at attention, awaiting for the tough inspection ahead. General Armstrong was brutal and a stickler for regulations, from hair to shoes everything had to be perfect. Their was an urban legend that she once demoted a man for not having his shoes shined with the right color polish. True or not the woman was a force to be reckoned with, she made sure everyone knew it to. She roamed over to Hughes' company and whipped out her clipboard.

"Lt. Colonel Hughes, is your company ready for inspection?" Olivier said only expecting one answer.

"Yes Ma'am, but before we start I have to show you pictures of my daugh..." He was cut of by the blonde woman.

"Continue with that statement and I'll shove that picture up your ass! Now, is your company ready?"

Hughes gulped hard and nodded his head, tucking his picture back into his jacket pocket.

She looked over his company until she got to her brother, she let out a annoyed sigh. "Maj. Armstrong everything seems to be in order, you pass." She tried to get away with that little conversation, but alas it was to good to be true.

"Sister, you know it 's an Armstrong family tradition to pass every single military inspection!" Armstrong's sparkles seemed to glow brighter when mentioning their prestigious family lineage.

"I know, I'm an Armstrong! No need to tell me about our stupid family traditions!" She watched her brother gasp dramatically as she moved onto the next company, Mustang's.

"Well, who is this pretty little brunette officer we've got here." Olivier said in a taunting tone. "Colonel Mustang, last time I saw you you were chasing skirts not wearing them." She said as she laughed at her own joke.

"Ma'am I believe my lieutenant explained what happened. Roy answered

"Yes she did, but secretly I think you always wanted to be a woman. Now you can finally get to the top by sleeping with the brass."

Roy glared at the officer. "Well, isn't that how you got to your position ma'am." Her company gasped as she said the insult and the general's face contorted in anger.

"You little bitch! How dare you say such a thing to a commanding officer!" She paused and a smirk formed on her face. "Oh, I get it, you're having your period, poor thing."

"So are you permanently having your period?" Roy knew she was pushing it, but she wasn't going to stand here and get insulted.

While the two woman were having a stare down Roy's company whispered.

"If we had a mud pit this would be...heaven." Havoc whispered to Breda, Fury, and Falman.

Ed smiled. "Well at least Colonel bas-bitch is doing something right." He said regarding the fight with Olivier. "It's battle of the bitches!" Ed shouted out, a little to loud.

Riza stepped in, holding her boss back. "Ma'am I apologize on my bosses behalf, she's been through a lot lately."

"Fine, this one time I'll let it slide Mustang! But, let your tongue slip up one more time, and the only military work you'll be doing is turning tricks for soldiers behind the base!" With that statement she moved on to the rest of Roy's command while Riza held back a seething Mustang.

* * *

It was late and she was tired, tired and angry. Olivier always knew how to get on her nerves. She was looking forward to going home and going to bed. She saw Hughes coming towards her in his peripheral vision. Her checks colored recalling the last time they were together.

"Roy, I need to talk to you."

"What is it Hughes, I'm tired."

He ran a hand through his slicked back hair. "I want to take you out to dinner." His normal goofy expression was gone, this was the real Hughes, the unpredictable, crafty, and suave one that hid behind his goofball facade.

"We can't, your family."

"I know what I'm doing. Roy, this isn't a question, I'll pick you up at six." He paused and looked at the shocked expression on his friends face. "Oh, and tell Havoc if I catch him looking at your ass again..." He paused as started spinning around is knife. "I'll make sure he can only see his own ass." He left with a feral look in his eyes and Roy covered his ass.

* * *

A/N: Sorry I think possessive Hughes is so sexy! Next chapter the date. Also Ed and Olivier both need to get lives. Click that button and review, you know you want to!


	8. The Gentleman Dates the Lady

"Women are like tea bags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!" Eleanor Roosevelt

Warnings: Language and sexual content

* * *

She was sitting on her couch reading a magazine, the clock ticked away. Tonight was her outing with Maes, that's as far as she would go to call it for now. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt as she chewed on her lip waiting for her four-eyed friend. She had mixed emotions about tonight: guilt, excitement, and of course curiosity, the fear of the unknown she would be delving into. Not to mention that Gracia's and Elysia's faces were always in the back of her mind. The door bell rang throughout the house and she dropped her magazine to the floor, he was here.

The door opened reviling and more formal dressed Maes Hughes. He was wearing a dress shirt with tie and black blazer. He looked at her strangely as he held a bouquet of cherry blossom's in his hands. "Roy, are you not ready to go yet?" He said as he offered her the flowers. Her favorite, from her home country of Xing.

She blushed at the gift and looked at him confused. "Aren't we just going to the bar on 5th street?" Roy said as she smelled the flowers.

Hughes let out a hardy laugh as he nodded his head his head stating other wise. "No, I got reservations at the Roosevelt Inn."

She gasped, the Roosevelt Inn was one of the most expensive and exclusive restaurants in Central. "How did you get reservations there!"

"Well, General Hakuro owed me a favor, I caught him kissing that new secretary while his wife was downstairs waiting for him."

"Extortion and blackmail to take me out to a nice restaurant, now that's classy Maes." Roy said as she put her flowers in a vase.

"Yeah, I committed a white collar crime to treat you right so go change into something a little nicer." Hughes said. She nodded and ran up the stairs to dress for the occasion.

A half hour later, yes a half hour later, Roy descended the staircase. Her hair was fluffed up a little more than unusual and she was wearing some makeup. The black sleeveless dress she bought on their outing was now on her form, she smelled of Chanel number five. His mouth gapped open as she wobbled down the stairs in her high-heel's. She stumbled down that last few steps and landed on her bottom. "Sorry, still trying to get use to these damn things." Roy said.

"Wow Roy, you look...um beau...I mean nice, you look nice." He cleared his throat nervously. "Let's get going huh." Hughes handed Roy her coat.

* * *

They arrived at the restaurant. The pair walked up to the hostess and were seated at their table. Hughes pulled out the chair for Roy to sit down as the waiter came to their table. "Good evening, can I start the two of you off with something to drink?"

"Yeah, I'll take your vodka tonic." Hughes said.

"And for the lovely lady?"

"I'll take your Xingesse Suicide." Roy said.

The waiter eye's opened wide at the drink request from the brunette. "Are you sure you can handle that little lady?"

A scowl came across her face. "Do you think you can handle not getting it for me?" Roy said threateningly.

The waiter looked scared and nodded his head to go fetch their drinks.

Hughes looked over his menu at Roy. "What the hell is a Xingesse Suicide?"

"It's a mixture of saki, vodka, and orange juice." She said bluntly.

"Damn, that sound strong. Isn't that what you use to drink at the academy."

"You bet your ass it was." Roy said

"Yeah, that was when you had to have your stomach pumped after you tore off your pant's and started singing the theme from the Love Boat." Hughes said as he smiled at their shenanigans as academy students. The waiter returned with their drink orders and took their entree order. Lobster for Hughes and a salad and steak for Roy. They clinked their glasses together.

"Well, what are you two doing here? I didn't know they had a two for one coupon night?" The pair looked up from their table and saw Olivier Armstrong standing over them.

"I thought you went back to Brigg's?" Hughes said.

"Yeah, shouldn't you back working your second job as the abdominal snowman?" Roy said as her pink lips curved into a smirk.

Olivier's eyes narrowed at the flame alchemist. "Hmm, Maes Hughes, last I checked weren't you married with a daughter? What would your wife think if she found out you were out with some whore?"

"Don't flatter yourself Armstrong were just here as friend's" Roy assured.

"Sure, whatever you say." She gave a little wave a walked away.

Hughes's face paled. "What if she tells Gracia?"

"Maes, we haven't done anything wrong! Plus, she doesn't even know about my involuntary sex change." She put her hand on top of his. "Don't worry, let's just enjoy."

* * *

Outside of the swanky restaurant the Elric brothers were walking by. Ed had just picked Al up from the train station as he arrived from Risembol. The two stopped by when Al noticed a familiar face in the window.

"Brother, that's Lt. Col. Hughes and he's with another woman!" Al said horrified as Ed came running up to look.

"Oh, that's just Roy." Ed said forgetting his brother wasn't aware of his prank.

"What, brother, that's a woman." His eyes narrowed, if they could, at Ed. "What did you do?"

Ed giggled and patted Al's armor. "Oh nothing Al, just a little prank, that's all."

"Brother!"

"Okay, okay, so I turned Mustang into a woman, big deal. It's not like I killed him...yet."

"Ed! Does the colonel know that it was you. He I mean she must be scared and devastated."

Ed looked at his brother dumbfounded. "Al, if Mustang found out it was me, I'd be cooking on a spit! I'll reverse it...when I figure out how."

"Brother!" Al said as his brother shrugged and dragged Al with him. Neither of them had discussed why Hughes and Roy were at a romantic restaurant together.

* * *

Roy and Hughes arrived back at Roy's house, they were laughing. They had had a great time out together and Hughes wanted to make it a better one. He decided to take a chance, a big one. He started to kiss Roy's neck. Roy gasped at the sudden sensation.

"Maes!" Roy said in shock

"Roy, let's make tonight something to remember, we both know we both want it." He murmured against her skin.

"What about..."

Hughes shushed her with a kiss. "Let's not think right now, I want you." Hughes said huskily.

Roy waved the white flag and gave in. She returned his kiss and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I'm scared Maes, this will be my first time."

He held her tight against his broad chest. "I'll be good to you Roy, I promise." With that he lifted her up bridal style and carried her back to her bedroom. He threw her on the bed and started to undress the rest of the way. Then, like star it began and ended with a bang.

She was curled up against him, her head rested on his chest. They had just done it, it. They had just been as intimate with someone as you can get. Guilt washed over her as she pulled her blanket up as Hughes sat on the phone telling his wife he was at the office. A cigarette was between his lips and he lied through his teeth. She felt bad, but feeling bad had never felt so damn good. He hung up the phone and looked at her.

Roy cleared her throat and looked him straight in the eye. "Maes, would you still love me if I become a man again?"

* * *

A/N: Okay, bit of a cliffhanger. Next chapter Roy finds out how she became a woman in Tattletale. Please review it helps me feel love again!


	9. The Deed is Done

Chapter Title: Repercussion's

Warnings: Consequences from the last chapter. Woman on her menstrual cycle.

"I'm the nicest goddamn dame that ever lived." Bette Davis

A/N: Just Dessert's 30th review extravaganza! Yes, the hit genderswitch comedy is coming up on it's 30th review, and I want to give back. I have a special suprise for the 30th event! Also who ever gives me said review will be able to request a FMA oneshot with any paring! Thank you for all your support, keep reading and reviewing!

* * *

"What did you say?" Hughes said as he put out his cigarette.

Roy looked at him and sighed. "I said, would you love me if I became a man again?"

Hughes looked at her and a small smile spread across his lips. He leaned over to her and kissed her forehead lovingly, running his fingers through her hair. "Roy, you've always made me question my sexuality. I think I've had feelings for you for along time." He laughed. "It's usually not a good thing, when you're imagining having sex with your best man instead of your bride on your wedding day.

"Do you mean that? You'd love me male or female? Really? Seriously? For real? No kiddin..." She was cut off by his lips on hers. His stubble was ticking her cheeks and she couldn't help but giggle.

"Well, as the saying goes, love is blind."

"That's so cliched Maes."

"Yeah." He snuck his hand under the sheets and put a hand on her thigh. "Plus, if you do become a man again you'll still have those sexy legs and ass. Not to mention, I'm going to keep all of your woman's clothes to wear for me in private."

Roy's blushed as she playfully punched his arm. "You are such a pervert."

"Well, it does make things more interesting." Hughes said as Roy got up to go to the bathroom. She threw Hughes' t-shirt on a went into the restroom. Hughes laid his head back down on the pillow when he heard a loud scream coming from the adjacent room. "Roy!" He rang over to the connecting room and threw the door open. "Roy, are you okay, what happened?"

She stood up and Hughes saw blood dripping down her leg. Her face was pale and her lips were twisted in a disgusted grimace. "What..what is this? Did I just have my...period? Fuck! I'm not prepared for this...I have no..." She stopped mid sentence as Hughes went for the phone. "Maes, what are you doing?"

He picked up the phone and started dialing. "I'm calling Riza, I'm sure she has some items that will help you."

Roy ran over to him a grasped his shoulder. "Maes, if you call her, she'll know something's up. It's one o'clock in the morning, why would you be here if we didn't...do the deed." Roy said over dramatically.

"We need her help and she's your best friend, she should know about us." He put the phone up to his ear. "Whether she accepts it or not." He mumbled to himself.

"H-hello." A tired female voice answered. "Who the hell is this at one in the morning!" Riza didn't sound to happy about waken up so early.

"Riza it's Maes, I'm with Roy and we have a problem."

Their was a pause. "Is she okay, what's wrong with her?"

"I think she started her period."

"Oh." She laughed softly. "I'll be over in a minute with some supplies. Wait, Hughes, why are you over there this late?"

"I'll tell you when you get here." Hughes said as he hung up the phone.

A few minutes later Riza had showed up at the front door with a plastic bag filled with woman's essential's. Hughes had answered the door wearing pajama's, that was weird, it looked like he was prepared for the night. She walked in and saw Roy in a sitting on the couch looking absolutely miserable. Riza threw the plastic bag at Roy. Roy rummaged through the sack and pulled out a box of maxi pads and ran into the bathroom. Riza looked over to Hughes who was running a hand through his hair.

"So, are you going to tell me why you're here so late?" Riza asked

Hughes sighed. "Well Roy and I went on a date tonight."

"A date? Last I checked you were married."

His face grew red and her started to sweat. "Roy and I were intimate with each other Riza."

She stared at him with a blank expression. She didn't know what to think. Hughes had just cheated on his wife of five years with a female version of his best friend. "Maes! What about Gracia and Elysia!" She screamed out.

Hughes looked down at his feet with shame. "Riza, I think I'm in love. I never felt this way with Gracia, I never felt this unbridled passion." The door of the bathroom had opened and Roy had emerged. She looked over to Riza knowing she knew the truth.

"Roy, how could you? Your Hughes' mistress, are you okay with being a home wrecker?" Riza said as she put her hands on her hips.

Roy's eyes started to tear up with is friend's statement. She felt emotions flowing through her at an alarming rate. "I love him!" Both Riza and Maes looked at her with wide eyes. "Please, Riza don't hate me for this." She whispered out.

Riza sighed and went over to her boss. She looked at her and through her arms around the other woman. Riza tired to be as un-stiff as possible, but, with her stoic personalty it was hard. She backed away and looked at the lovers. "Okay, but Maes you have to tell your wife."

Hughes paused and than just nodded.

* * *

In the military dorms Al was visiting with Winry. The girl had come down for a visit and the two were catching up while Ed was working.

"Winry?"

"Yeah Al."

He paused and started twiddling with his metal hands. "What do you do when you know someone has done something that has really affected someone's life. And that person doesn't know how it happened but you do?"

"Well Al, as granny always said the truth is the best policy. That person has a right to know what happened to the,/"

"Even if it was someone you cared for and you were afraid they would get in trouble.?"

Winry looked at him with a small smile. "Al, don't protect Ed."

"How..."

She smirked at him. "Woman's intuition.

A/N: Next chapter Roy finds out how she became a woman in Tattletale. Plus will the 30th review suprise be revealed? Read and review.


	10. Tatletale

"I avoid crazy women." Jeremy London

Notes: The gift for 30 reviews is after this, I really wanted to get this chapter up. Also Narutolovesme2, you won the 30th review extravaganza, you may request a FMA one-shot with any pairings. Also beware of stupid 24 references.

Today on Just Desserts: Secrets will be reviled and reacted to.

* * *

_The following takes place between the hours of 1:00 P.M and 2:00 P.M 'Beep beep'_

Maes Hughes was never so afraid to step into his house. He knew he had to do it, Riza would shoot him if he didn't. Basically, he was screwed in every way. He decided to wear a athletic cup, just in case things got ugly. He opened the door cautiously and stepped inside. His little girl saw him and ran up to him as fast as her little legs could carry her. She wrapped her pudgy arms around his leg and squealed in delight.

"Daddy!"

He smiled widely, he prayed that Gracia would still let him see his baby girl. "Elysia! Don't you look so cute today!" He picked her up and spun her around. She smiled and he felt his heart melt.

Gracia came out of the kitchen hearing all of the commotion. She smiled looking at her husband and her daughter laughing and playing together. "Maes your home finally." She smiled warmly. "Dinner is ready honey, bring Elysia into the kitchen."

Hughes paused and grabbed her arm. "Gracia, can we talk before we eat, it's important." She nodded and pushed Elysia off to her room.

"What is it honey? You seem troubled."

Hughes could already feel the sweat dripping down his forehead. "Well...I have something to tell you...damn...it's not easy."

"Ah, ah, ah Maes, no bad language in this house." Gracia said interrupting him.

He sighed inwardly, she was such a stickler when it came language, violence, sex, fun, life... "Sorry. Anyway I want to talk to you about Roy." He continued to explain Roy's transformation as Gracia just stood their and nodded. "Roy and I...we slept together." He cringed waiting for her foot to connect with some part of his body. "I think I'm in love with her." He went back into crash position, awaiting the pain.

"Oh, okay, whatever makes you happy." She smiled widely at him. "You can still see Elysia anytime you want." She gave him a pat on the shoulder.

He stood their baffled, why the hell wasn't she mad? In fact she seemed to be content with the situation. Was she really that sweet and nice...or was she just plain crazy? "Gracia, I cheated on you! Shouldn't you be, I don't know, mad! I broke one of the commandments, I broke our marriage vows! For the love of god I betrayed you! Why. Aren't. You. Mad." He said as he shook her slightly but, she still kept smiling.

"I just want you to be happy Maes." Gracia said, still smiling.

"Well...okay then." He started to back up slowly. He was kind of getting scared, you think you know someone. He went to go get his stuff, maybe she was crazy.

"Have a good time." Gracia said as she waved at him. Yeah, she was definitely crazy.

* * *

_The following takes place between the hours of 2:00 P.M and 3:00 P.M 'Beep, beep'_

Al sat nervously waiting for Colonel Mustang to come down the staircase. He decided to take Winry's advice, the colonel deserved to know. Roy Mustang came down the staircase, apologizing to Al for taking so long. It was the first time he had really got a good look at her after the transformation. The colonel did make a beautiful woman, he felt himself blush, well, if he could blush.

"Alphonse, you said their was something you wanted to tell me." She sat down next to him on the couch.

"Well Colonel, I'm afraid I've been with holding some information from you."

Roy looked over to the armored boy confused. Even with no possible facial expressions she could tell the boy looked guilty. "Well, now I'm curious, what is it Al?"

Al sighed, he getting scared, what if the colonel attacked him? Hopefully she would just focus all of her rage on his brother. "I think I know why you're female now colonel." He watched as her eyes widened and her jaw drop. "Brother did it, as a prank. I doubt he thought it would be a complete transformation." Roy's eyes seemed to be on fire as she promptly stood up from her seat. "Please don't kill him colonel!"

She ignored the young man's plea's as she turned around. "Where is he." She said through clenched teeth.

"Well...I don't really..."

"I said where is he!" Roy screamed at the suit armor and watched him shake.

"He's at the dorm!" Al said as Roy rushed out of the house.

Ed was sitting down, catching up on some research notes, when his dorm room door burst open. Their stood a very angry Roy Mustang with her spark gloves on ready to rock and roll. "What the hell Colonel Bitch, you just wrecked my door! I'm going to have to pay for that out of my salary!" He paused when she came at him and pushed up against a wall. "Hey, I know you get around but I'm not interested in you!"

"You little bastard!" She seethed out. "Your the one who did this to me, for some fucking prank!" She was tempted to wrap her hands around his neck and strangle him right there. She put her fingers in snap position when she felt something weird happening. Her eyes were starting to well up and she felt tears falling down her cheeks. "Why?" Damn, she was starting to cry, in front of him.

For the first time he felt sorry for the colonel. He didn't like it when women cried, even Mustang. "Roy, I'm sorry I guess I went to far. Do you want me to reverse it?" He paused and smacked his head. "Well, that's a stupid question, of course you do."

Roy stayed quiet for a for awhile. "I don't know Ed."

"What!"

"I have other people to consider. I really need to think about this, give me some time." She said quietly. He nodded his head slowly. "You are still going to pay for that prank. I'm cutting your salary and when you least expect it I will probably attack you." Roy said seriously.

_The following takes place between the hours of 3:00 P.M and 4:00 P.M 'Beep, beep. Wow this is getting redundant. _

* * *

"Hey Havo, what are you doing in there? Breda yelled into a flower shop doorway. He was passing by and happened to see his friend in the shop, did he have a date?

"Hey man I buying flowers for Roy." His smile grew when he said her name.

"Oh you didn't hear?"

"What?"

"Hughes and Roy are fucking." Breda cringed, maybe he should have said that a little nicer.

"Why!" Havoc started to yell. "I will win her over, I'll challenge that bastard Hughes to a fight for her!"

Breda just sighed and shook his head. He might want to keep an eye on Havoc for awhile.

* * *

A/N: Okay there is another part to this chapter. Will Havoc win Roy's affection? Will Gracia come back into the picture? Will Roy choose to stay a woman (this you get to put in your opinion about.) Please keep reading and reviewing! More to come! Oh and I did make Gracia kind of crazy on purpose. Everytime I read a fic with Hughes cheating on her, she seems to be okay with it. So I just poked a little fun, she's just to damn perfect!


	11. What if

Extra chapter that has nothing to do with the story. This is the thirtieth review extravaganza chapter. This is a what if story? What if Roy Mustang was born a woman? If you like this, I was thinking of writing a story where every character's gender's were the opposite at birth. Drop me a line a nd let me know what you think of the new story and this chapter. If I do write the new story this is probably how female Roy will be. This extra chapter is just female-born Roy, everyone else is their natural genders.

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Eight o'clock on the dot and no sign of the Colonel. Riza was growing redder with rage as every minute passed the brunette alchemist hadn't shown up. The other members of Mustang's command were working diligently, or as diligently as they usually worked. She tapped her fingers on her desk and stared at the clock, eight fifteen now, no sign of the Flame Alchemist. Finally fifteen minutes later the door swung open reviling their commander in all her glory. As usual, every aspect of the woman's appearance was perfect. From hair perfectly curled, to makeup done to perfection, not to mention, not a speck of dust was found on her uniform. Her stiletto boots clicked as she made her way into the office. The brunette looked over to her first lieutenant and received a death glare. Mustang looked up at the clock and sighed.

"I'm sorry I'm late, my appointment ran over." Rhianna Mustang flashed her newly french tip manicured nails at her command.

Riza stood up from her desk abruptly. "Colonel, you have a stack of paperwork waiting for you in your office." She stopped and sighed. "Not that I'm your personal secretary Ma'am but, some guy named Josh has called about eight times. You know personal calls are forbidden."

"I told Josh it was over!" She stamped her foot down. "Great, now I've got another stalker to worry about." She started towards her office. "I'm sorry Riza, I told him not to call me here, or again."

Havoc, in all his manly glory stood up a put his cigarette out. "Ma'am, do want to take care of this guy for you." He cracked his knuckles.

Rhianna snorted and glared at the blond. She did not like being treated as a fragile doll, she was a colonel first and a woman second. That was how things would be if she wanted to be the first female führer. "Please Havoc I can take care of this guy on my own, I doubt you could." Rhianna saw Havoc's smirk wipe off his face and he sat down quietly.

* * *

It was lunch time and her command shuffled out eagerly to get some substance in their stomach's. Rhianna spot her long time friend Maes Hughes just sitting down at a table. Their relationship was a complicated one, were they friends or lovers, he never would answer the burning question. She loved him, that's all she knew. She was angry he wouldn't acknowledge what they have. Perhaps that's why she just went out with countless men, for a distraction from him.

"Maes!" She shouted out a him and waved her arms. He looked up at her, his glasses opaque from the sun. He smiled and waved her down.

"Their you are. Get something to eat and sit down Mustang!" She got her food and sat next to him. "So..." He fished in his pocket for something and pulled a flat square object out. "Look at Elysia in her new dress! She is the cutest thing isn't she?" He smiled and whipped his head to face her. "When are you going to have a baby Rhianna?"

"Why is that comes up every time we're together. I told you I don't want to lose my figure giving birth." She sighed and glared at him.

His goofy smile left his handsome face and the real Maes Hughes shown through. "Fine I won't mention it again. So, how was your date with John, or Josh. John was the date after Josh right."

He was taking up a snide position with her. Was he just being an ass or was he jealous? "Your being an asshole." She stood up and grabbed her purse. As she was about to go he grabbed her by her arm.

"Sorry." He mumbled out. "Are you still going to come to Elysia's birthday party?"

"I am her god-mother, I'll be their."

Later that night her car pulled up at the Hughes household. She had gotten the doll Elysia had been begging for since she could remember. She looked around to see all the young families pushing their kids to play together so they could sneak a kiss. The woman all gave her glares and the men all stared at her appreciating, what was new? She came in to the house and saw the Elric brothers and their friend Winry talking to Maes. She cleared her throat and the group turned around.

"Auntie Rhia." Elysia screamed and ran over to hug her legs. The little girl still couldn't pronounce her name all the way, but she smiled at the nickname her god-child called her.

"Hey sweetie." She picked up the little girl and cradled her in her arms. She handed the little girl the present and her eyes widened.

"Can I open it now Mommy?" She pleaded.

"Well it is your birthday sweetheart." Gracia smiled at her daughter and nodded to let Rhianna continue.

The little girl smiled and started ripping open the bright colored paper. She squealed in delight when the doll was revealed. "Thank you so much Auntie Rhia." She wiggled to get out of her arms and went to show it to all of her friends.

Rhianna smiled and Gracia tapped her on the shoulder. "Rhianna, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" The other woman nodded and they went into the unoccupied room. "Well, I noticed your neckline is a little low." She pointed at the brunette's dress.

Rhianna face colored. "Oh, I didn't think it was that low."

"Well, I was just thinking of the children."

She nodded, by was this woman a prude or what. Maes was watching the conversation from the living room, he said nothing when Gracia asked her to leave.

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A/N: Okay just a little one-shot. Hope you liked it please read and review. Also the next chapter will be the last chapter. But, never fear their will be a squeal called "Easy as Pie."


	12. Fairytale Ending?

"I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it." Marilyn Monroe

**A/N: Okay this is the last chapter, but, never fear their will be a sequal. I also must apoligize for the slow update, I was on vacation. Also look for more story updates, their a'comin'!**

Last time on Just Desserts: Roy contemplates whether to stay a woman or not.

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"What do you mean you don't know!" Ed, yelled, looking flabbergasted. This was Colonel fucking Mustang! Womanizer and ladies man galore, now he wanted to stay a woman?

Roy looked at Ed and sighed. "You know it's funny Edward." She started saying. "At first this seemed like the worst thing to ever happen, but, then everything fell into place. If we were to reverse it all of our memories would be taken of this event, equivalent exchange." She folded her hands and stared at the floor. "I couldn't stand not being with Maes...I think I'm in love with him." She saw the small blonde's eyes widen with shock.

"Really?" He looked at Roy and nodded. "Okay, who am I to not honor the request of a lady." Ed waggled his eyebrows and winced when Roy hit him. "So, where does everything go from here?" He asked.

"I don't know, I guess that's the interesting thing in life." She said slowly, she looked at Ed and smiled. "Perhaps, this new body, not tainted in blood, can lead a happier life." Roy murmured out solemnly. She was about to continue when the door opened.

"Roy." Maes said and ran up to her. "I told Gracia, we can be together." He said holding her hands, softly kissing each finger. "What is Ed doing here?"

"I came to see if Roy wanted me to reverse the change..." Ed was interrupted by Maes holding Roy tight.

"Roy, I want you to know, whatever you chose I will love you. No matter what gender you are I'll think you're are beautiful." He kissed her softly and looked into her eyes. "I'll never over look you again." He brushed her bangs out of her face and held a hand to her cheek.

Roy smiled and kissed the older man back. "Maes, I'm going to stay the way I am, because I would never give up what we have." She said softly, leaning into his embrace. In the background Ed smiled at the display. It was really the first time he had seen his commanding officer happy.

"Well I think I'll leave you two to your make-out section." He smiled and started out the door. "You guys take care of yourselves." He waved and let the two have their romantic evening.

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"So, Roy decided to sat a woman huh, that's good for me." Havoc said as he put his feet up on the desk.

"What are you talking about, she is fucking Hughes!" Breda shot back, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"Yeah, but, I still get to look at the flame goddess in all of her glory!" He sighed and gazed off into the distance.

"Well I am happy for the colonel." Riza said as she entered the room. She looked around and noticed their boss was not there yet. "Woman or man, Roy Mustang cannot be on time." She sighed and looked over to Furey and Flaman.

"It is logical, the two are obviously compatable in a chemical state." Flaman said, giving a small smile. That's how he expressed his happiness for the couple.

"Yeah, it's nice to see the colonel happy. She's less scary when she's happy." Furey said looking up from his paperwork.

After about a half hour later, Roy Mustang entered the office with Maes Hughes. Both were grinning ear to ear. "I'm sorry I'm late." Roy said, still smiling. "Maes proposed to me!" She yelled out, sounding a little more girly than she wanted to. She held up her finger revieling a large diamond engagement ring.

"That's huge!" Riza said, looking at the ring closely. "It's beautiful." She saw the couple smile at the compliment.

Maes smiled and lifted up Roy's hand, pretending it weighed a ton. "Yep, it's got to be what, twenty pounds Roy?" He smiled when he saw his fiancee giggle. Her giggle was just adorable! "It cost a fortune but, nothing is worth more than Roy." He smiled at her and the group 'awed', well except Havoc, he just yelled out profanities, he'd never was going to tap that now!

Roy smiled and kissed Maes. "You better get to work." She said, pushing him out of the door. "Well we better get to work." She smiled and went into her adjoining office. After everything that had happened, she had found love in a very strange way. But, love is love, and people are people. She smiled at the thought of starting a family with Maes, growing old with him. Perhaps she should thank Ed for his prank...nah, no need to give him a complex. Everything was going to be okay, for once, maybe. Maybe, she had finally got her happy ending.

The End

**A/N: Okay, enough sweetness for you. I really enjoyed wrtiting this story and I'm glad you all enjoyed it to you. Thank you all so much for the reviews, it really makes me feel like a good writer. Anyways, the new sequel will be up soon. It will be called Easy as Pie, please read and review!**


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